Freedom

Yesterday I drove to Crockett to be with an old friend from college as she buried her mom, she is scheduled to deliver her baby girl into this world on Monday. It hit home HARD to imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes, how I would feel.
To truly understand how I felt you have to know the history between this group of girls and myself. We were very close for about 2 years then we went through a rough patch. I felt they weren't there for me when I was going through a very difficult time in my life and they felt I was pulling away from them and hanging out with a different group of people instead of them. We had a falling out, and as it can get when you are young girls, it got ugly. I made up with these girls at different times, one was shortly after it happened, the second was a little longer and the last never got back to the place where it was. However, yesterday when one person was in trouble all of these things didn't matter, we pulled together.

I entitled this post freedom, because I realized how much freedom I have in my life. We found out that the mom who passed away was about to buy the stroller, crib and pack and play for her daughter and due to her passing my friend didn't have these things for her daughter. We were able to pull together enough money to buy them a pack and play and a nice stroller. I am so grateful that we were able to do that. Ryan and I may not make that much money, and of course we would like to make a little more, but we have always been able to help when we see a friend in need and that is financial freedom if you ask me. I consider myself very blessed in that way.

I also realized yesterday how much I have changed from the girl I was in college. I carried around so many insecurities, scares, and pain. I was dealing with the death of Heather, a very dysfunctional relationship, and the normal "trying to find myself" stuff. Since then I have "found" myself, I have overcame the scares that Heather's death left and have forgiven myself and the boy I dated for the pain we put each other through for 3 1/2 long years. This was not an overnight process, it took a great deal of time, prayer, and a great therapist. I am not ashamed to admit that after everything started to fall apart I sought help from a professional. He helped me work through the anger I felt at Heather for dying and abandoning me, the pain of a relationship gone wrong, and the issues I had (like we all do) for things in my childhood.

I couldn't help but reflect as I drove home yesterday on my life now, I would have never imagined being married to a man like Ryan, having a relationship where we both respect each other. I would have never imagined owning my own home, having a career and preparing to give birth to a baby boy. I was trapped by the lies and doubt, but now I do have freedom, and for that I thank God (and an amazing therapist named David- lol),

Baby Blake

WOW! I am a terrible blogger, maybe once baby D gets here I will have more motivation to blog his process. I am now an auntie again!!! I am so excited!!!!!!! Baby Paul "Blake" P was born last Sunday 11/13/11 around 7:50 pm. My sister Darci was 31 weeks pregnant to the day and he decided it was time for him to make his grand entrance! He was already 4 lbs 9 oz and 17 inches long! He was immediately placed in an incubator with an oxygen tube down his throat, monitors and a central line in his belly button. After a week he is already off his oxygen and his central line has been removed. We are so proud!!! Yesterday he had 7 cc's of breast milk!! He is progressing sooo phenomenally. My sister is the strongest person I have ever met and I am in awe of how she and her husband are handling this.

He likes to move it move it!

OMGoodness! I have been feeling lil man move so much! It is such an amazing feeling, I am still having a hard time believing that there is really a lil baby in there and that he is mine, well ours.

I am feeling very confident in our ability to be parents, but I would be a liar if I did not admit how scarey it is. The world is frightening place out there and the thought of bringing an innocent baby into it is well... terrifying.

However, I must remind myself that behind the darkness God is in control and He holds this baby's future in His hands so I don't need to worry.

Baby D update

I know I have not updated much, call me crazy, but I didn't want to be one f those crazy pregnant people who thinks everyone cares about her pregnancy! :). However I have gotten myself "in trouble" for not updating more so I promise to do a better job! I am around 18 weeks and little baby is measuring a couple days ahead. Who knows maybe we'll have a long baby! I am a little scared of having a big baby, but since neither Ryan or I were big te possibilty of that is lower. Praise God!!

We went to our anatomy scan last week abd got confirmation that we are in fact having a boy!!!! We are sooo excited! In my opinion boys take more energy and girls take more cash- well we have an excess of energy, but not necessarily cash so God planned well! :)

I have stopped throwing up for the most part and am having much more energy. I am now entering the stage where I have to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so, so that is fun with first graders. But all in all I can't complain! I am just thankful to be keeping food and liquid down!

I have yet to gain any weight, so I am thrilled with that! But I guess when you start with extra you don't have to gain! Ha ha!!

So overall both baby D and momma are healthy and doing well!! Daddy is too- poor Ryan he gets left out a lot, but I don't think he minds!

Oh- an interesting note: I crave McDonalds chicken nuggets! Since week 6 it is the only thing I could consistently keep down!! I have therefore nicknamed him "mcnugget".

Calling All Mommas

Calling all Mommas!!!!

I am in need of some advice! Today my sister, my mom and my sister-in-law, and I all went to Babies R Us and looked at some baby stuff. Oh my gosh so exciting! But me being teacher and my hubby just starting a new job we are not exactly rolling in the dough, so I would like all the mommas out there what baby things did you buy that were a LIFESAVER and what things did you buy that you just flat out didn't use?

I know that I am investing in a good convertible crib and chest of drawers, a good car seat/stroller combo, pack and play and a good high chair and for there I need advice. Swing? Bouncer? Walker? Play Mat? Did you buy the fancy pack and play or the not-so-fancy one?

Thanks in advance for your advice, it is much appreciated!!!

Trails

"We pray for blessings, we pray for peace Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering...Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You’re near? What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?"
- Laura Story

My husband was a Marine and is now a student- he receives a monthly stipend to cover his bills and pay for his tuition and books. He has had a terrible time getting his benefits in a timely manner- surprise surprise when dealing with the government. NOT! Well this month instead of his $1500 he gets $300. SERIOUSLY VA?! They will "back-pay" us when they get a chance.

I LOVE when this happens...NOT! Luckily we have enough savings to get us through, but that $$$ was set aside to help with baby expenses. However we are thankful that we have the money there to cover the bills.

Ryan and I decided that we will make a contest out of it- who can spend less. I plan one weeks meals and buy for them. He does the next. Then whoever can spend the least on anything "extra"- cokes, energy drinks, fast food. I think the best thing to do is to make a fun time out of it!

He has applications into many different places and hopefully we will hear back from SOMEONE soon who wants to hire him! :)

I am sure that everything will work out- but while we are waiting for it to work out this will be a FAITH WALK! But I am thankful that we have what we need and we have people in our lives who love us and understand that we are not going out and spending money!!!

BIG NEWS

On June 3oth Ry and I found out we are going to become parents! We have gone through the exhausted the entirety of the human emotional range since finding out! We expected to have to "try" for a couple months before getting our positive, but NOPE- we got it on the first try!

We have both been thrilled, scared, excited, worried, terrified, overjoyed, you name it- we've felt it! But hey- I hear that's all normal!

So today I am 7 weeks and have had some wicked morning sickness- speaking of which- whoever named it morning sickness CLEARLY did not have it because it should have been named all-times-of-day-and-night sickness. My mother-in-law was TERRIBLY sick with Ry and he came out with an immune system to end all immune systems so I am hoping that all this puking will result in a baby who does not have my crappy immune system!

We went to the dr at 5 weeks 6 days and saw the baby and it's little heartbeat. I was thrilled! The dr said that everything looked good and that put my mind at ease SO MUCH! We go back to HEAR the heartbeat near the end of Aug.

I have a feeling that it's a boy, don't ask me why, I just do. Everyone has called it a boy since we found out so I guess I'll just go with that for now.

I am so thrilled about this- nervous, oh who am I kidding, scared SILLY-but still thrilled!

Thank you everyone for all of your support!