balance

This is going to be a very honest, personal post.
I grew up in church, seriously-grew up IN the church. I was there Sunday morning before Sunday school to help serve refreshments, stayed till well after service was over visiting (why do we call it "visiting" if it's church and "hanging out" or "talking" if it's anywhere else?) came back for night service. My dad taught Tuesday night men's bible study, my mom and I helped cook and serve the meals, again mom cooked and I served Wednesday night dinner before church and then we had service. Not mention throwing in youth choir, drama, AWANAS, and working in the nursery. I felt like if I wasn't at school I was suppose to be at church. LOL! I really didn't mind.

You would think with all that "church" I would want the same thing for my son, and don't get me wrong I kind of do, however as many of you can attest to when you are THAT involved in the church you see a side of it many never do. You see the people who are leading the church make mistakes (of course), you see pride, anger, resentment, and all of the things we all struggle with. It shakes your faith to see those who lead the church sometimes be the most resistant to changing their heart.

I left the church after college. I found a good church in Fort Worth that both Ryan and I liked, but we never got too involved. When we moved back to Houston it took us a while to find a church where we felt we fit. We did for a while have a "church home", but again I felt I needed to get very involved, but with teaching, Mary Kay, and some things my family was going to I had to step down.

We are still looking for a place we fit. A place with BALANCE. Let me be very clear, I tend to have a potty-mouth, my husband and I do drink (not to excess, but we do) I listen to secular music, I like to go dancing with my husband on the weekends (not while pregnant-lol!). Besides the language I don't think any of these things are "bad". I want DESPERATELY want to find a church for Eli to grow up in, but I don't want to be fake. I want to find a place where I can be me- 100%. I HATE feeling like one person at church and one person at home. I know my bible very well. My parents we determined I would know why I believed what I believe. I can discuss biblical theology with the best of them. But I also know which drink goes best with what dinner. Does that make me a bad person?

I want to find a church that has a place for people like us. I have no intention of changing certain things about me-unless I fell compelled by my own personal relationship with God-not because the church says I should or should not do certain things. I have a feeling most of our generation is looking for the same thing. Is that wrong? Thoughts? Opinions?