Motorcycles

Being pregnant you get very emotional over silly stuff sometimes. Today I am very overwhelmed with thankfulness. Ryan found someone to buy his motorcycle and the guy is willing to give us to amount we are asking for. PRAISE GOD! That will pay off the loan and give us a little to use towards a new vehicle for him.

I am thankful not just because God placed someone in our path to buy it, but because Ryan was willing to sell it. There are so many men out there who are selfish when it comes to their "toys". Don't get me wrong, I know it breaks his heart a little to see it go, like it's ending a period of his life; and in a way it kind of is. He LOVES motorcycles. We had so many good times riding around on one of his bikes either in Arlington, Fort Worth or around here in Houston.

Motorcycles are actually part of how we started dating. We met on January 4 2008 at Pete's Piano Bar in FW. I was there with 2 teacher friends and he was there on a blind date with another marine and his girlfriend (he was there with the girlfriend's friend). They were sitting next to us. I was dancing around and accidentally knocked into him and was MORTIFIED! I quickly apologized and his smart-A remark was "well I didn't say anything the first 2 times!" I could have crawled into a hole! LOL! Later that night he came up and asked to buy me a drink to which I quickly declined- HELLO?! I CAN SEE YOU ARE ON A DATE YOU SKEEZE!! He informed me it was blind date and there was no "chemistry". I still declined the drink but we got to talking and I found out he was in the military and from Alabama. We had a good conversation (as far as bar conversations go) and he asked for my number. I obliged and we exchanged numbers. The girls I came with and I were about to go and he grabbed my hand and asked me make sure I got home safely. I laughed and walked out the door. In the car on the way home I was driving with Cassie and I started thinking of how sweet it seemed that he cared about me getting home. I decided to do something I am TOTALLY against- I called HIM! It was about a 30 second conversation that went something like this "Hey this is Casey, the girl you were trying to pick up tonight- I just wanted to say that I hope you're careful getting home tonight to. Don't die okay?" He just laughed and said "Ok". I hung up.

After that I was 90% sure I would never hear from him again. Oh well. I had made plans to hang out with some other friends the next day- Saturday. I was free that night though. Around 6 I got a text from Ryan asking if I wanted to go on a motorcycle ride. Being a good southern girl I immediately called my momma and asked her advice, which went something like this "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR F-ING MIND! YOU DON'T KNOW THIS GUY FROM ADAM!!! HE COULD KIDNAP YOU! I THOUGHT YOU HAD MORE SENSE THAN THAT!!!!" **See where I get my flair for the dramatic?!** So in true Casey-fashion I texted him back "ummm thanks but I don't know you. You could rape me, kill me, cut me up, and leave me on the side of the road" He replied back "wow. ooook. how bout coffee?" Much better plan. I am still AMAZED that he still wanted to get together.

Being a single girl living in Arlington I told him I didn't know where to meet so he would have to come up with that. Most guys would probably choose somewhere like Starbucks for coffee on a first date, but not Ryan. My southern gentleman suggested Waffle House. I giggled to myself because the waffle house by my apartment knew me well because I would go sit and study there after my night classes. We met there around 9 and stayed until around 3 when the after-bar crowd started coming in and the waitress probably wanted her table free. I then did the UNSPEAKABLE! I invited him back to my apartment to watch a movie- but told him if he made a move I had a gun and would not hesitate to shoot him. LOL! I of course had no such gun and wouldn't have known how to fire it if I did.

He came back to my apartment at which point I realized I teach pre-school I only have G rated movies. Woops! We watched Finding Nemo and both feel asleep on the couch. The next morning I promptly FREAKED OUT that he as STILL THERE! He didn't make a single move on me, we didn't kiss or anything but still A GUY WAS IN MY APARTMENT. The good ETBU student in me felt guilty! He woke up and could tell I was not sure how to react. He said he had to get back to base for an afternoon workout and would call me later. He walked over hugged me, thanked me for our "date" and kissed me on the forehead.

I didn't hear from him till Monday (the next day). We DID go on a brief motorcycle ride then. And he essentially spent every day and honestly a lot of nights at my apartment from that Monday night till well.... we got married a whole long 3 months later.

This is the craziest, most irrational dating story I have ever heard. If it was one of my friends I would have told her she had lost her dang mind, but I guess it taught me not to judge.

I am gonna miss having a motorcycle, every time we rode I thought of that story. I know one day we will buy another one. I just thought I would share a little of our story with y'all today. I am one lucky girl.

balance

This is going to be a very honest, personal post.
I grew up in church, seriously-grew up IN the church. I was there Sunday morning before Sunday school to help serve refreshments, stayed till well after service was over visiting (why do we call it "visiting" if it's church and "hanging out" or "talking" if it's anywhere else?) came back for night service. My dad taught Tuesday night men's bible study, my mom and I helped cook and serve the meals, again mom cooked and I served Wednesday night dinner before church and then we had service. Not mention throwing in youth choir, drama, AWANAS, and working in the nursery. I felt like if I wasn't at school I was suppose to be at church. LOL! I really didn't mind.

You would think with all that "church" I would want the same thing for my son, and don't get me wrong I kind of do, however as many of you can attest to when you are THAT involved in the church you see a side of it many never do. You see the people who are leading the church make mistakes (of course), you see pride, anger, resentment, and all of the things we all struggle with. It shakes your faith to see those who lead the church sometimes be the most resistant to changing their heart.

I left the church after college. I found a good church in Fort Worth that both Ryan and I liked, but we never got too involved. When we moved back to Houston it took us a while to find a church where we felt we fit. We did for a while have a "church home", but again I felt I needed to get very involved, but with teaching, Mary Kay, and some things my family was going to I had to step down.

We are still looking for a place we fit. A place with BALANCE. Let me be very clear, I tend to have a potty-mouth, my husband and I do drink (not to excess, but we do) I listen to secular music, I like to go dancing with my husband on the weekends (not while pregnant-lol!). Besides the language I don't think any of these things are "bad". I want DESPERATELY want to find a church for Eli to grow up in, but I don't want to be fake. I want to find a place where I can be me- 100%. I HATE feeling like one person at church and one person at home. I know my bible very well. My parents we determined I would know why I believed what I believe. I can discuss biblical theology with the best of them. But I also know which drink goes best with what dinner. Does that make me a bad person?

I want to find a church that has a place for people like us. I have no intention of changing certain things about me-unless I fell compelled by my own personal relationship with God-not because the church says I should or should not do certain things. I have a feeling most of our generation is looking for the same thing. Is that wrong? Thoughts? Opinions?

33 weeks

7 weeks to go!!!!!!!!!
OMGosh! I am getting so excited/nervous/scared outta my mind to meet this little boy! He is definitely moving around a lot still and keeping me on my toes.
Yesterday was parent-teacher conferences and they went really well. I was super exhausted afterward! About 1/2 way through the day I took off my work shoes and put on flip flops due to swelling. When I got home (around 7:45 last night) I took my flip flops off and saw some bruising from where the straps and been cutting into my feet and I didn't even know it! Needless to say I am wearing tennis shoes today and am on a mission to find some pregnancy-approved shoes this weekend.
Also yesterday one of our teachers laid her husband to rest. It was so touching to hear their daughter talk about their life and what her dad was like. He had retired from the Army and teacher (ROTC and a band director in HISD). When the honor guard presented his widow with the flag I couldn't help but imagine my mom being there and being presented with my father's flag, or myself being presented with Ryan's. I got very emotional (and Eli tried to comfort mommy by kicking till his heart's delight). The teacher who lost her husband stood so stoically and strong. She looked beautiful. I am in awe of her strength, not just yesterday but the strength she displays daily at our school. Continuing to pray for her and her family. Today I can't help but be thankful for all that I have.

Family

I LOVE my family. One of the things I love most about my family is that we are always expanding. Seriously. And it's not just because the baby boom of 2011 (as I call it). We are constantly taking in friends and making them like family.

Growing up whenever any of my sister's friends were going through a hard time at home they moved in with us. Some stayed only a few days, some stayed almost a year. It was a great example to me that someone doesn't have to be BLOOD to be family. It also served as a lesson to me that not everyone has parents (or anybody for that matter) at home who cares about them. Not everyone was as lucky as us, to have a family that while FAR from perfect would NEVER, EVER do intentional harm.

After my sister moved out our family started to grow by marriage. For example whenever my brother got married not only did his wife Crystal and her son become family so did Crystal's family. We celebrate birthdays, holidays, and special occasions with them. Same for all of my brother-in-laws and their families. It has even got to the point where my mom's brother-in-law (from her first marriage... my mom was widowed very young) comes down every year for Christmas.

This is the kind of example I want to set for my son. I want have the type of home where his friends always feel welcome. I want to offer a safe haven for people who do not have any other place to go. I want all of our friends and extended family to always feel welcome and accepted by us. I am incredibly thankful to my parents for setting this example for me.

31 weeks

9 to go! It seems unreal that baby Eli will be here so soon! We are definitely getting excited about his entrance, however I am slightly apprehensive because my sister went into labor at 31 weeks exactly so I know what an uphill battle preemie's have. I am so excited to meet my little man, but I would much rather wait till he is full term and ready to go! We painted the babies room this weekend and got most of the furniture set up! It will probably need another coat of paint to cover up some...er...mistakes, but I guess that's the way painting goes!
I have had some horrible back pain lately, and still having some cramping but only like 2-3 times a day and hours apart. I keep hearing that that's all normal and just my body gearing up for the fun adventure of birth! I kinda want to smack those people in the face, I do not think this whole "adventure" sounds fun! :)

Freedom

Yesterday I drove to Crockett to be with an old friend from college as she buried her mom, she is scheduled to deliver her baby girl into this world on Monday. It hit home HARD to imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes, how I would feel.
To truly understand how I felt you have to know the history between this group of girls and myself. We were very close for about 2 years then we went through a rough patch. I felt they weren't there for me when I was going through a very difficult time in my life and they felt I was pulling away from them and hanging out with a different group of people instead of them. We had a falling out, and as it can get when you are young girls, it got ugly. I made up with these girls at different times, one was shortly after it happened, the second was a little longer and the last never got back to the place where it was. However, yesterday when one person was in trouble all of these things didn't matter, we pulled together.

I entitled this post freedom, because I realized how much freedom I have in my life. We found out that the mom who passed away was about to buy the stroller, crib and pack and play for her daughter and due to her passing my friend didn't have these things for her daughter. We were able to pull together enough money to buy them a pack and play and a nice stroller. I am so grateful that we were able to do that. Ryan and I may not make that much money, and of course we would like to make a little more, but we have always been able to help when we see a friend in need and that is financial freedom if you ask me. I consider myself very blessed in that way.

I also realized yesterday how much I have changed from the girl I was in college. I carried around so many insecurities, scares, and pain. I was dealing with the death of Heather, a very dysfunctional relationship, and the normal "trying to find myself" stuff. Since then I have "found" myself, I have overcame the scares that Heather's death left and have forgiven myself and the boy I dated for the pain we put each other through for 3 1/2 long years. This was not an overnight process, it took a great deal of time, prayer, and a great therapist. I am not ashamed to admit that after everything started to fall apart I sought help from a professional. He helped me work through the anger I felt at Heather for dying and abandoning me, the pain of a relationship gone wrong, and the issues I had (like we all do) for things in my childhood.

I couldn't help but reflect as I drove home yesterday on my life now, I would have never imagined being married to a man like Ryan, having a relationship where we both respect each other. I would have never imagined owning my own home, having a career and preparing to give birth to a baby boy. I was trapped by the lies and doubt, but now I do have freedom, and for that I thank God (and an amazing therapist named David- lol),

Baby Blake

WOW! I am a terrible blogger, maybe once baby D gets here I will have more motivation to blog his process. I am now an auntie again!!! I am so excited!!!!!!! Baby Paul "Blake" P was born last Sunday 11/13/11 around 7:50 pm. My sister Darci was 31 weeks pregnant to the day and he decided it was time for him to make his grand entrance! He was already 4 lbs 9 oz and 17 inches long! He was immediately placed in an incubator with an oxygen tube down his throat, monitors and a central line in his belly button. After a week he is already off his oxygen and his central line has been removed. We are so proud!!! Yesterday he had 7 cc's of breast milk!! He is progressing sooo phenomenally. My sister is the strongest person I have ever met and I am in awe of how she and her husband are handling this.