Once we got home...

So after the circumcision was over they were suppose to keep Eli for 30 min to observe him. They brought him immediately to us (the dr had come in to check on me before the procedure and I was crying like a baby because the nurse had took him from my arms- he seemed very concerned about her behavior). He was very upset, and hungry, and it took a while to get him calm. We found 2 different pacis in his bassinet even though we had told every nurse NO PACIFIERS! Once we got him calmed down he nursed okay and then we were discharged. PRAISE GOD! Now don't get me wrong, we had AMAZING nurses at Clear Lake, except for that one stupid nursery nurse. We left weighing in at 7 lbs 10 oz, not too much weight loss.

We were told to see our pediatrician the next day because Eli was jaundice, so we scheduled an appt for Tuesday at 3:20. When we got home we placed him just his diaper by the window to soak up as much sun as he could. He was so sweet and not fussy at all. The next day he was still being sweet but started getting fussy at feedings. He was having a hard time latching and I could tell he was still hungry. He wouldn't feed for more than 3 minutes without falling asleep! Ryan and I tried everything we could think of: getting him naked, changing his diaper, holding him up, rubbing his head, tickling his feet, ect. At the dr he weighed in at 7 lb 2 oz for a total of 1 lb weight loss. The dr suggested us going to a lactation consultant and seeing if his frenulum could be cut to help with nursing. She said as of now she was saying to give him a 1/2 oz of formula at each feeding through an eye dropper. So that's what we did.

At 3:30 that morning he had a wet diaper. He had not had a poppy diaper since the hospital. Wednesday morning my mom and I loaded him up and took him to the lactation consultant. They were able to cut his frenulum and he nursed very well there. When we got in he weighed 7lb even and after feeding he weighed 7 lb 2 oz. YAY! The excitement was short lived. He was so fussy the rest of the day he was difficult to comfort and refused to latch on. He would just scream and scream and thrash those hands and feet. My sister in law (a former NICU nurse) swaddled him to try and help, he was out of that swaddle in 5 seconds flat. I was crying, he was crying, my husband's parents had been saying "just give him a bottle" for 3 days. I was at my wits end.

By 4 that evening he had not had ANY dirty diapers, no pee, no poop, no NOTHING. I knew at that point we should be concerned. I called the dr's office and left a message with the nurse line. The dr called back within the hour and said it was time to give him a full feeding of formula. I could still do the eye dropper I did not have to do a bottle. He was still screaming so much the formula would just run out of his mouth. I broke down and gave him a bottle. By 10:45 pm we had pee and poop! Thank God!

My mom came over and sat with me while I cried and cried. She suggested to make a plan. Funny how simple things like that slip your mind while you are emotional. I decided to pump and give him breast milk from a bottle for full week to give my emotions time to settle out and to help him get back up to weight. So that's what we did. We went to the dr that Friday morning for a weigh in and my lil guy was up to 7 lb 9 oz!!! He had a couple formula bottles while we were waiting on my milk to come in, but 90% of his diet was breast milk! We were THRILLED!

I kept pumping and have been able to stay 1 bottle a head of him most of the time. He does have to have formula sometimes if my milk is low one session. The decision to pump was not something Ryan and I decided lightly. I was devistated. I felt like I hadn't given breast feeding enough of a chance, but I knew in my heart my baby was not getting what he needed. His little body was getting more and more yellow, and clearly by the lack of urine he was not thriving. I had to do what I had to do.

We tried nursing again yesterday and while it took him a while to latch he did okay, however he was still hungry after 20 minutes on each side and I gave him an oz of formula to hold him over until I could pump again. That decided it for me, for Eli at least, I am a pumping momma!

I never thought I would be the type of mom who was so concerned about breastfeeding. However there is a lot of pressure out there to breast feed and I never knew how much that affected me. My baby is getting breast milk, just not in the traditional way. He is gaining weight and much happier now that we are pumping constantly.

So I guess I'm writing this for all you moms-to-be or moms who were unable to breastfeed. Don't feel guilty, you do what you gotta do for your child. Also for you moms who are/were able to breastfeed count your blessings; there were lots of us who wish we could but are unable to.