Eli is almost 4 months old- that in no way, shape, or form makes me a parenting expert. I do however know what I think is acceptable behavior for MY son. I know what I expect of him as he grows and what I will and will not allow him to do. I know some of that will change as he grows (and I am actually faced with the situation) but I do know some things will not.
That being said I do not understand how parents think it is okay for their small children (ages 3-6ish) to be complete and total punks. They think their child back-talking, cussing, acting like they are drinking alcohol, giving attitude (a lot of attitude), ect. is cute or funny. IT IS NOT. While you may think it is cute now what you allow a child to do a teenager will think is acceptable and it will not be cute as a teenager. When a child has been allowed to backtalk all their life you cannot expect them to magically respect you when they turn 13.
We as parents need to set clear boundaries for our children. The kids I teach have no boundaries at home and they crave them- every year I see them first fight, then learn to crave and love the boundaries and predictability that come with them. When kids are allowed to act however they wish as small children we end up with teenagers like those in the news lately who bullied a grandmother to tears. We MUST raise generation better than this. It is our responsibility as parents and citizens of the world. We must teach our children that there is an acceptable way to behave, that kindness, courtesy, and respect for our fellow humans are NOT optional. We have to stop trying to be our children's FRIEND and start being a PARENT.
Again, I know my son is an infant and I haven't had to deal with this situation yet; but I do know what my expectations are for him.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
mommy guilt
I have always struggled with guilt. I never wanted to disappoint my family, teachers, anyone. I might have argued with my parents but the minute I got that "Casey, you really disappointed me" I was done. I do not do well with guilt. So it should be no surprise that I am really struggling with "mommy guilt".
I feel guilty about working, then when I am home on the weekends sometimes I feel guilty for wanted "mommy time". I feel guilty for giving up on breastfeeding so quickly, I feel guilty for letting him cry sometimes so mommy can wash bottles or pump. Mostly I feel guilty about things pertaining to Eli but I also feel guilty for the house being dirty, the amount of dog hair on my couch cushions, the fact that poor Dixie hasn't been played with when I get home, I feel bad when Ryan has to start cleaning, cooking, or take a fussy baby as soon as he gets home. As you can see I feel guilty most of the time.
Having a baby with colic makes life difficult sometimes. Eli is fussy (not screaming his head off anymore, thank God) from about 4:30ish till he goes to sleep around 7:30-8:15. So when I pick him up from my Mom's and get him home he is NOT being put down. I only get him from 5-bedtime every weekday and so I don't want to put him down to vacuum or cook. I want to cuddle my baby, but I HAVE to pump, clean the bottles, and make sure he has swaddles clean for bed. So while I am doing that sometimes he screams his head off, sometimes he sits in the bouncy seat and "talks". I feel guilty either way.
I had been feeling this way for several weeks but hadn't told anyone. I thought this was something I must be alone in. All my new mommy friends seemed so HAPPY. Don't get me wrong I love Eli more than anything in the world and I couldn't imagine anything better than cuddling him, talking to him, and just plain staring at him; BUT sometimes I am so overwhelmed with life that I feel just plain bad. It's not postpartum depression, I have talked to my OB about it, it's just plain "mommy guilt". Once I started talking to other moms several felt the same way I did.
Now I am not "over" this mommy guilt, but I am learning to deal with it. I am learning to except that my house is not going to be as clean and organized as I would like it, dinner will not be served at a certain time every night and it might not be served at all some nights, but oh well! I am learning to spend the time I with Eli WITH ELI. Not worrying about other things but just plain being with him. It's a journey, but we are getting there.
I feel guilty about working, then when I am home on the weekends sometimes I feel guilty for wanted "mommy time". I feel guilty for giving up on breastfeeding so quickly, I feel guilty for letting him cry sometimes so mommy can wash bottles or pump. Mostly I feel guilty about things pertaining to Eli but I also feel guilty for the house being dirty, the amount of dog hair on my couch cushions, the fact that poor Dixie hasn't been played with when I get home, I feel bad when Ryan has to start cleaning, cooking, or take a fussy baby as soon as he gets home. As you can see I feel guilty most of the time.
Having a baby with colic makes life difficult sometimes. Eli is fussy (not screaming his head off anymore, thank God) from about 4:30ish till he goes to sleep around 7:30-8:15. So when I pick him up from my Mom's and get him home he is NOT being put down. I only get him from 5-bedtime every weekday and so I don't want to put him down to vacuum or cook. I want to cuddle my baby, but I HAVE to pump, clean the bottles, and make sure he has swaddles clean for bed. So while I am doing that sometimes he screams his head off, sometimes he sits in the bouncy seat and "talks". I feel guilty either way.
I had been feeling this way for several weeks but hadn't told anyone. I thought this was something I must be alone in. All my new mommy friends seemed so HAPPY. Don't get me wrong I love Eli more than anything in the world and I couldn't imagine anything better than cuddling him, talking to him, and just plain staring at him; BUT sometimes I am so overwhelmed with life that I feel just plain bad. It's not postpartum depression, I have talked to my OB about it, it's just plain "mommy guilt". Once I started talking to other moms several felt the same way I did.
Now I am not "over" this mommy guilt, but I am learning to deal with it. I am learning to except that my house is not going to be as clean and organized as I would like it, dinner will not be served at a certain time every night and it might not be served at all some nights, but oh well! I am learning to spend the time I with Eli WITH ELI. Not worrying about other things but just plain being with him. It's a journey, but we are getting there.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Faith in Trails
Today in my devotional the author was talking about how sometimes we focus so hard on the problems of our lives that we take our focus off of God's sovereignty. How true that is for me. Whenever something comes up I spend my time focusing in on how I am going to solve it, how to handle any issues that could possibly arise, and hardly any time praying or focusing on God's promise.
I am not going to write a long blog about this but I did want to share that brief thought and share this verse "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31.
I am not going to write a long blog about this but I did want to share that brief thought and share this verse "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
2 months old
Eli is now 2 months old. I can't believe it! He is such an amazing little boy!
His colic is SO MUCH BETTER since I cut out dairy. It did take about 2 weeks for it to help, and if I "slip" and accidentally eat something with dairy in it he will be a little extra fussy for 2-3 days. So as you can imagine I try to be very careful about what I eat. He still has a fussy period where he fights sleep as hard as he can and doesn't want to be comforted, but with a little patience, a good rocking chair, puppy paci and a lullaby he can be coaxed into being a happy baby again.
His neck control is almost freakish. Everyone who is around him comments on how strong he is! When he was first born he held his head up on his own within the first couple hours and has only gotten better!! He LOVES to sit up; he is convinced he is a big boy and not no stinking baby! He also likes it when you help him stand. He will push up and lock those knees in place. He will stand up on your lap for almost a whole minute now before his legs get tired and he sits back down!
He still loves his sleep sheep and rock n play. Seriously those things are amazing! Between those, puppy paci and a swaddleme he sleeps so well at night. He goes down at 8:45 and sleeps till some time around 4 or 5! Now that being said he is DEFINITELY my son; he FIGHTS sleep!!! He will pull at his hears, claw at his face, rub his eyes, grunt, buck like a bronco, anything to keep from getting relaxed. Once you get him still, arms and legs pinned down and a paci in his mouth he will ball his fist up as a last ditch effort to stay awake. He eventually gives it up, but then about 3-5 minutes after his eyes close he SCREAMS out for about 10 seconds and you better be rocking him!! LOL! After that last desperate attempt he gives up and sleeps. His little fist un-ball and the paci falls out. My little man doesn't want to miss anything!
Another interesting thing about E is that he is a much happier baby if we are "going". He gets very fussy if we just stay at home all day. He likes to get out of the house; even if it is just a walk around the block. We were hesitant to take him out very often, we didn't want him to get over-stimulated, but once we started taking him out for short trips he turned into a much happier baby. He still can get over-stimulated if we keep him around too many people too long; we are still looking for the perfect balance.
Unfortunately E HATES formula!!! Ryan drops him off every morning before he goes to work and one morning he forgot to bring milk. He woke up starving so Nana decided she would feed him a bottle of formula then head over to my house to get the milk. He would only take about 2 oz before he started spitting it out and screaming bloody murder. LOL silly baby! Needless to say they got over here quickly and got that baby his milk! One night I only pumped 3 1/2 oz and rather than defrosting a whole 4 oz I decided to make a 1/2 oz of formula and mix it in with the breastmilk. He sucked down about an oz and then looked at me and spit all of it out. SO MUCH SPIT UP! Crazy kid... he knows what he want and he wants it when he wants it!
I cannot believe how much he has changed this month. He is starting to develop his own personality and I can't wait to see what kind of little boy he'll be!!
His colic is SO MUCH BETTER since I cut out dairy. It did take about 2 weeks for it to help, and if I "slip" and accidentally eat something with dairy in it he will be a little extra fussy for 2-3 days. So as you can imagine I try to be very careful about what I eat. He still has a fussy period where he fights sleep as hard as he can and doesn't want to be comforted, but with a little patience, a good rocking chair, puppy paci and a lullaby he can be coaxed into being a happy baby again.
His neck control is almost freakish. Everyone who is around him comments on how strong he is! When he was first born he held his head up on his own within the first couple hours and has only gotten better!! He LOVES to sit up; he is convinced he is a big boy and not no stinking baby! He also likes it when you help him stand. He will push up and lock those knees in place. He will stand up on your lap for almost a whole minute now before his legs get tired and he sits back down!
He still loves his sleep sheep and rock n play. Seriously those things are amazing! Between those, puppy paci and a swaddleme he sleeps so well at night. He goes down at 8:45 and sleeps till some time around 4 or 5! Now that being said he is DEFINITELY my son; he FIGHTS sleep!!! He will pull at his hears, claw at his face, rub his eyes, grunt, buck like a bronco, anything to keep from getting relaxed. Once you get him still, arms and legs pinned down and a paci in his mouth he will ball his fist up as a last ditch effort to stay awake. He eventually gives it up, but then about 3-5 minutes after his eyes close he SCREAMS out for about 10 seconds and you better be rocking him!! LOL! After that last desperate attempt he gives up and sleeps. His little fist un-ball and the paci falls out. My little man doesn't want to miss anything!
Another interesting thing about E is that he is a much happier baby if we are "going". He gets very fussy if we just stay at home all day. He likes to get out of the house; even if it is just a walk around the block. We were hesitant to take him out very often, we didn't want him to get over-stimulated, but once we started taking him out for short trips he turned into a much happier baby. He still can get over-stimulated if we keep him around too many people too long; we are still looking for the perfect balance.
Unfortunately E HATES formula!!! Ryan drops him off every morning before he goes to work and one morning he forgot to bring milk. He woke up starving so Nana decided she would feed him a bottle of formula then head over to my house to get the milk. He would only take about 2 oz before he started spitting it out and screaming bloody murder. LOL silly baby! Needless to say they got over here quickly and got that baby his milk! One night I only pumped 3 1/2 oz and rather than defrosting a whole 4 oz I decided to make a 1/2 oz of formula and mix it in with the breastmilk. He sucked down about an oz and then looked at me and spit all of it out. SO MUCH SPIT UP! Crazy kid... he knows what he want and he wants it when he wants it!
I cannot believe how much he has changed this month. He is starting to develop his own personality and I can't wait to see what kind of little boy he'll be!!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
The Starting Point
I am not gonna lie, before I got pregnant I was out of shape. I wasn't the heaviest I've ever been but I was pretty dang close. I made a conscious effort while I was pregnant to not gain TOO much weight, I only gained 25 lbs total and the doctor was very happy with that!So now that Eli is here I am like 5 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight; however that is not my goal!
Two summers ago I lost 15 lbs by running, zumba and doing weight watchers. I have done every diet in the book, done every fitness program and never got results until this combo. So Sunday I decided to bite the bullet and start the running program again. Needless to say it kicked my butt!!! I realized then that the starting point I was at now is different than the starting point I was at two summers ago. I am going to have to take things a little slower in the beginning and get my body use to being active again.
I felt so bad about where I was physically. I hated myself for letting my body get this out of shape; but then I realized I had a choice, while I couldn't change where I was or how I felt about it I could either a) feel bad about where I am, throw a pity party and do nothing about it or b) feel bad about where I was and do something about it no matter how hard. I choose b. It does me no good to feel bad about it, I have to get up and do the work.
The joy of social media and blogging is that it provides instant accountability. Gone are the days of having to go to a meeting to weigh in to have accountability. You just post online that you are starting a fitness routine, diet, or making a lifestyle change and BAM! You have hundreds of people who can help hold you accountable. I haven't started Zumba back yet, that will have to wait till the summer due to work schedule but I have started walking this week (which will turn into running soon) and weight watchers. So I'm putting it out there and asking you guys to help hold me accountable.
I can't change the starting point but I CAN change the destination.
Two summers ago I lost 15 lbs by running, zumba and doing weight watchers. I have done every diet in the book, done every fitness program and never got results until this combo. So Sunday I decided to bite the bullet and start the running program again. Needless to say it kicked my butt!!! I realized then that the starting point I was at now is different than the starting point I was at two summers ago. I am going to have to take things a little slower in the beginning and get my body use to being active again.
I felt so bad about where I was physically. I hated myself for letting my body get this out of shape; but then I realized I had a choice, while I couldn't change where I was or how I felt about it I could either a) feel bad about where I am, throw a pity party and do nothing about it or b) feel bad about where I was and do something about it no matter how hard. I choose b. It does me no good to feel bad about it, I have to get up and do the work.
The joy of social media and blogging is that it provides instant accountability. Gone are the days of having to go to a meeting to weigh in to have accountability. You just post online that you are starting a fitness routine, diet, or making a lifestyle change and BAM! You have hundreds of people who can help hold you accountable. I haven't started Zumba back yet, that will have to wait till the summer due to work schedule but I have started walking this week (which will turn into running soon) and weight watchers. So I'm putting it out there and asking you guys to help hold me accountable.
I can't change the starting point but I CAN change the destination.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Colic
So we discovered why Eli was so fussy. He has colic...and reflux. Poor guy got a double dose! I have read about colic and our godson had colic so while I was pregnant I thought "well if he has colic I'll have clue what I'm in for" WRONG! Colic is a horrible horrible thing. It is dang near impossible to watch your baby cry for hours and hours on end and there is nothing you can do to make it better. On the up side it is always over by 10:30. But on some days it last 5 hours, and couple that with normal baby fussiness during the day and that can be stressful.
I think the best advice was giving to me by another mom on the March board of the Bump. She told me that if they are crying in your arms and you have done everything you know how to; if they are clean, feed, and otherwise "good" they can cry the same in the crib, bassinet, bouncer, swing, whatever as they can in your arms. Put the baby down. Another mommy friend of mine added go get a drink of water, take a quick shower, do something to calm your nerves for 5 minutes. It'll be better for you and better for baby. Truer words have never been spoken.
Now some things help during "colic time". The 5 S's from Happiest Baby on the Block normally can calm him down. The only thing is with a colic baby they will be calm for a little while (15 minutes if we're lucky) and then BAM! More crying. Sometimes gripe water or colic tablets work. Sometimes it's the vacuum, or walking, or the Moby. There are lots of things that will sometimes work for a few minutes, but nothing works for long enough to make him sleep for longer than 15 minutes.
It is getting a little better most days. He normally is down before 9:30 so that helps!
Don't get me wrong, I have found more joy in being a mommy than anything else I've ever done in my life. I love love love seeing his smiles, watching him discover the world around him and of course cuddle time!! I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. And thankfully this is our first child. This is all we know. We don't know what it would be like to have a baby who DIDN'T cry for hours almost every evening.
We are so thankful for Eli and love him so much; however, I wish more mommies had talked to me about how hard the first couple months could be so I am talking about it. I don't think it does anyone any good to sugarcoat the tough stuff. But like I said earlier... mommy-hood, while tough, is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I think the best advice was giving to me by another mom on the March board of the Bump. She told me that if they are crying in your arms and you have done everything you know how to; if they are clean, feed, and otherwise "good" they can cry the same in the crib, bassinet, bouncer, swing, whatever as they can in your arms. Put the baby down. Another mommy friend of mine added go get a drink of water, take a quick shower, do something to calm your nerves for 5 minutes. It'll be better for you and better for baby. Truer words have never been spoken.
Now some things help during "colic time". The 5 S's from Happiest Baby on the Block normally can calm him down. The only thing is with a colic baby they will be calm for a little while (15 minutes if we're lucky) and then BAM! More crying. Sometimes gripe water or colic tablets work. Sometimes it's the vacuum, or walking, or the Moby. There are lots of things that will sometimes work for a few minutes, but nothing works for long enough to make him sleep for longer than 15 minutes.
It is getting a little better most days. He normally is down before 9:30 so that helps!
Don't get me wrong, I have found more joy in being a mommy than anything else I've ever done in my life. I love love love seeing his smiles, watching him discover the world around him and of course cuddle time!! I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. And thankfully this is our first child. This is all we know. We don't know what it would be like to have a baby who DIDN'T cry for hours almost every evening.
We are so thankful for Eli and love him so much; however, I wish more mommies had talked to me about how hard the first couple months could be so I am talking about it. I don't think it does anyone any good to sugarcoat the tough stuff. But like I said earlier... mommy-hood, while tough, is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Not my own
It has always been funny to me how someone can say something to you in passing and it really stick with you. About a year ago I was staying with Julia Mundy (my Mary Kay director) we were discussing something, I cannot remember what, and somehow the issue of children came up. She was telling me a story about her son and how she always viewed him as not her own, but a child of God's. He was theirs of course, but more like he was on loan. She was responsible for raising him into the man God wanted him to be. I of course was not pregnant yet and thought "gee that's cool" then dismissed the idea.
Yesterday I had a fussy baby. A very fussy baby. He was overstimulated, overtired, having gas pains, acid reflux, and eating every hour and half. Mommy was stressed, daddy was stressed and Eli was more stressed than all of us. It was funny because as I was feeding him what seemed to be the 100th bottle that day I was praying "God please help me help my baby, I don't know why he is screaming, I want to comfort him but I don't know how" Then like a light bulb Julia's words came back to me. He is not my own. For some odd reason that took the stress away. I didn't know what was wrong but He did. That didn't make Eli stop screaming (singing and rocking did) that didn't help him rest for a longer period, but it did make me feel not so alone.
My parents had stopped by to see him and helped get him calmed down and ready for bed. Ryan gave him his nighttime bottle and let me rest for a little longer. It worked out alright. He slept in between nighttime feedings (even if it was only 2 hours in between feedings) and today he has been a doll. I am so thankful for a huge support system here, between grandparents and his aunts and uncles Ryan and I are covered! But for some reason the thing that helped the most yesterday was comment made in passing by someone not even trying to help me be a better parent. Sometimes God speaks to us through the most interesting ways.
"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart" Jeremiah 1:5
Yesterday I had a fussy baby. A very fussy baby. He was overstimulated, overtired, having gas pains, acid reflux, and eating every hour and half. Mommy was stressed, daddy was stressed and Eli was more stressed than all of us. It was funny because as I was feeding him what seemed to be the 100th bottle that day I was praying "God please help me help my baby, I don't know why he is screaming, I want to comfort him but I don't know how" Then like a light bulb Julia's words came back to me. He is not my own. For some odd reason that took the stress away. I didn't know what was wrong but He did. That didn't make Eli stop screaming (singing and rocking did) that didn't help him rest for a longer period, but it did make me feel not so alone.
My parents had stopped by to see him and helped get him calmed down and ready for bed. Ryan gave him his nighttime bottle and let me rest for a little longer. It worked out alright. He slept in between nighttime feedings (even if it was only 2 hours in between feedings) and today he has been a doll. I am so thankful for a huge support system here, between grandparents and his aunts and uncles Ryan and I are covered! But for some reason the thing that helped the most yesterday was comment made in passing by someone not even trying to help me be a better parent. Sometimes God speaks to us through the most interesting ways.
"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart" Jeremiah 1:5
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