Child-like Faith pt 2

"For when I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; but when I became a man, I did away with childish things" 1 Corinthians 13:11

I believe child-like faith is a good thing when it refers to certain areas of our faith; however like this verse in 1 Corinthians says when you become a (wo)man you have to put away childish things and start speaking, thinking, and reasoning like a grown up.

For me that means no longer compartmentalizing my faith.

In college I  had a beautiful friend named Heather. She was a strong Christian woman and anyone who met her could see that she put her relationship with Jesus first. We were in Sigma together and because we lived our lives together I saw her fall sometimes. I saw her when she made mistakes, big ones sometimes and small ones. This never made me loose respect for her. Because her faith was the most important thing about her I also had the honor of seeing her humble herself before the Lord and ask forgiveness and turn away from people and situations that compromised her faith. Unfortunately my friend died of a brain aneurism almost 3 years ago. However in her short life she impacted more people that most of us do in a lifetime.

I want to live like that.

I believe with all my heart one reason God blessed me with knowing Heather was so I can see what it means to live life God's way AUTHENTICALLY. So I know how to show my faith, but still be real.

It's not about being a "perfect person" or even a "good" person, but it's about the people around me being able to say that when they say me mess up, which they will do if they spend anytime with me, that they saw me be humble, confess my sin, and try to do better.

Thank you Heather for your impact of my life.

Here is a link to the blog she wrote while she was still with us http://jacobheather.blogspot.com/ read the last entry entitled Rain. It will give you a clue about the type of person Heather was.

Child-like Faith?

I have been in the midst of a deep internal struggle for the past several months. I was raised in church, I became a Christian at a very early age and, by my "nerdy rule follower" nature, did all the things a good Christian kid is suppose to do. I went to Sunday School and memorized the verse of the week. I went to children's church and sang all the songs and answered the questions, I went to children's choir on Sunday night and sat through the "big church" sermon with my parents, Tuesday nights my mom and I (with other ladies) cooked dinner for the men's Bible study group (which my dad helped lead most of the time), Wednesday night was AWANAs, and then back to church on Sunday. When I was a child being a Christian meant inviting my friends to church, not telling lies, and being a "good kid".

Then I got to a teenager, and no teenager wants to be a "nerdy rule follower", so my faith changed a little. I still went to Sunday School (but no no one asked you to memorize scripture) and we went to "big church", sat with the youth and mostly listened to the sermon (although there was a significant amount of note passing involved). Sunday night was youth choir (and with all this choir I STILL can't sing) and then church (with more note passing) followed by Sunday Night After Church activities on school holidays. Tuesday night Men's Bible Study dinner preparing, Wednesday night was youth service, Friday night "hang out" activities and then start it all over again. As a teenager being a Christian meant being better than everyone else who wasn't a Christian; not being a "bad kid".

Of course I went to a private Christian college and although I studied religion (I was a religion minor) I never really followed any of my beliefs. I did pretty much what every college kid does, but I went to church on Sunday (and chapel on Monday and Wednesday- thanks ETBU). In college being a Christian meant being able to put on the Christian "show" whenever I felt it was appropriate.

How heart-breakingly sad. How terrible of me to split myself into 2 different people.

Now I am, for all intents and purposes, as scary as it is to admit-a full fledged grown up. Complete with a husband, child, job, mortgage, car note and student debt up to my eye balls. And what does my faith mean now? I know it is now something I can no longer compartmentalize and be a Christian at church and just the same as everyone else everywhere else. This has been my stuggle these past several months. If I TRULY believe in my heart of hearts that Christ was who the Bible says he was, and if I TRULY believe everything the Bible says shouldn't there be a radical difference in the way I handle myself EVERYDAY. When the pharmacist is ugly while trying to get medicine for my screaming baby, when the child in my classroom is having a meltdown 19 days before the state mandated test, when my husband and I are at each other's throats? Shouldn't there be a difference?

I mean if I believe what I say I believe where is the proof?

I think this post has been long enough, and I have to get off here and get ready for work. I will post again tonight the conclusion I have come to. :)

Eli vs the sippy cup

So on Saturday we decided to take the bottle away. Eli has been drinking water out of a sippy cup since he was 6 months old and transitioned to cow's milk beautifully. He did great the first day, yesterday was a little worse, and today he is acting like he has no clue what to do with the straw cup-- he keeps blowing into it. He is determined. He was playing yesterday and Ryan said "bottle" in a sentence and he threw down his toy and RAN to Ryan crying "bot bot, bot bot!" Poor baby's heart was broken when he realized daddy meant sippy cup. Momma's staying strong, but so is Eli. We might have a battle of wills going on for a while.

Standardized Testing

No truer words have ever been spoken. My educational career has mostly been spent teacher grades pre K-1st. This year I entered a whole new world of compartmentalized 4th grade! I teach ONLY math and science! This has been a whole new adventure for me, and it's mostly because of that lovely standardized test we have to give in April. I remember my teachers in school using the phrase "...and on the TAKS test.." over and over and OVER again and I thought if I ever become a teacher (which I had no plans of doing) I will never say that to my kids. I'll just teach them and then they will pass.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ok, now that all you teachers have stopped laughing and picked yourself off the floor I will continue. I was WRONG. DEAD WRONG.

This stupid test is more pressure for teachers than kids now and there is something wrong with that. I do believe we need accountability standards, but not in this format. Not teachers having to explain why Johnny Student didn't pass and Susie did, or having to justify themselves as a professional just because so-so teacher had a higher passing rate.

I am not saying it's like this at any school I have taught at, at both Jessup and Dabbs I have had understanding administrators who are believe just as strongly that they system is broken; but their necks are on the chopping block too.  We all have to answer for our kid's performance and the kids.... have no responsibility. No one calls them in and demands answers as to why they scored this or that. No one sits the parents down with the district representative and demands to know what the parent's plan of intervention is.

I'm just saying when E does something great (like say a new word) I would like to think that it's at least partly because his momma has worked with him on that word for months, and vise versa if E decides at 6 years old that he wants to throw a temper tantrum at Wal Mart I am also responsible for that behavior.

Just sayn'

AND now I will stop preaching.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY E MAN!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELI! My "little man" is 1 year old! Who would have thought it would get here so soon! I cannot believe how amazingly blessed we are to have this little boy! He LOVES bath time, cuddles, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and playing outside. He has 4 teeth, can dang near run, and never sits still unless Mickey is on. He is a great sleeper, both a night and during naps. We are REFUSING to take milk out of a  sippy cup or eat much table food. He will drink water all day out of a sippy cup but not milk. Once he gets a suck of milk the cup is THROWN from his sight! He also will not let you feed him anything but purees. If you put something chuncky in his mouth you better hang up that meal, he doesn't trust you to feed him anything else. He will also not allow you to feed him anything other than purees if he sees it. He will throw any food he doesn't like the look off right of his tray! As far as solids goes he like Cheerios, an occasional whole grain waffle, strawberry cereal bars, crackers,and SOMETIMES a little bit of chicken. He is definitely a stubborn little guy! His stats at his one year appointment are 21.4 lbs (36%) and 29.5 inches (54%). The dr is very happy with his progress, she said because he is sooooo active she doesn't expect him to put on much weight this next year. I am proud to be this little man's momma, just look at him, who wouldn't be!

Back to the Grind

Allow me to start of this post with a ROLL TIDE! BCS Championship Game Day is here! I truly hope Bama wins, because my husband will be inconsolable if they do not.

Ok, on to other topics. Today was back to work after 2 weeks off. Ugh. I planned last night and packed my lunch, laid out clothes for work, laid out work out clothes, set my alarm for 4:30 (DOUBLE UGH) and then checked the weather- 39 degrees projected for 5 am. Ummmm NO! I don't do cold! So we changed the plan to still get up at 4:30 but do a quick yoga video, have some quiet time and then start a peaceful morning. Wellllllllllllllll my alarm didn't want me to go back to work either because it didn't go off and I woke up at 5:50. Luckly I had most prep work done so no yoga, no quiet time, just get dressed and out the door at the last possible second. Oh well. I left work around 3:30 and came home, changed and was about to head out the door to run and was struck with gut wrenching anxiety.

I have never been a woman prone to worry, but having a child changes things. After I gave birth I had pretty bad postpartum depression. I talked to my dr about it, he suggested waiting a while before we did medication. Then my anxiety kicked in. I have had anxiety since then; about the silliest things.With the help of my family, friends and very mild medication I was able to overcome my postpartum depression and I am learning to cope with my anxiety. So today when my anxiety hit I sat down and thought why am I so nervous? What is it I am afraid of? Immediately I realized I was scared I couldn't do it. I knew the run I had planned was easy and within my physical capabilities, but what I was afraid of was failure of spirit. It is hard to keep going when your legs are tired. It is hard for me to run alone and alone I was. I looked down on the floor and there was my cell phone and a picture of E staring up at me. I knew I could do it; I was still scared, but I laced up my running shoes and walked out the door.

And guess what I did it. It was challenging, but what in life worth having isn't?

Today I realized that I can choose to pass down fear of failure to my son, or I can choose to show him that even when things are hard, you do it. When things are scary, you do it. When you plain JUST DON'T WANT TO, you do it anyway.

New Church

Today we visited a new church. We were actually very impressed. It seems to be a lot like our old church in Fort Worth and that is what we are looking for. Hopefully it will work out. Little man did okay in the nursery. He did have a couple of crying spells (so they say), but overall very successful.

Speaking of little man here he is enjoying a whole grain waffle for breakfast- more of it may have ended up being eaten by the dog on the floor than he actual ate, but hey it's a start with table food.

Today after church I went to lunch with my momma, sister, sister in law and niece! What a fun girls day! We ate, we laughed, we ordered dessert- YUM!

Tomorrow starts a new chapter in my life-OPERATION: LOOSE THE BABY WEIGHT- for real yo! I am starting BACK on the C25K program. I had a lot of success with it the summer before I got preggers, so I am dreading excited to start running again. But seriously I am NOT a runner. God saw fit to make me 5 foot tall and have short legs, He did not create me to run; He did create me to take care of my body though and running has always been the #1 way for me to loose weight. So tomorrow morning 5 am me, my running shoes, my iPod, and the road have a date. I will be running Mon, Wed and Fri (barring weather) and doing Zumba Tues/Thur at our local rec center. I LOVE Zumba. I have a friend from college who is a Zumba instructor and has made an amazing transformation by doing Zumba. I AM excited about Zumba!

So since tomorrow's run is gonna come EARLY I am off to bed (a.k.a read The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest- if you haven't read these books do so NOW- they are SO GOOD!)