Freedom

Yesterday I drove to Crockett to be with an old friend from college as she buried her mom, she is scheduled to deliver her baby girl into this world on Monday. It hit home HARD to imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes, how I would feel.
To truly understand how I felt you have to know the history between this group of girls and myself. We were very close for about 2 years then we went through a rough patch. I felt they weren't there for me when I was going through a very difficult time in my life and they felt I was pulling away from them and hanging out with a different group of people instead of them. We had a falling out, and as it can get when you are young girls, it got ugly. I made up with these girls at different times, one was shortly after it happened, the second was a little longer and the last never got back to the place where it was. However, yesterday when one person was in trouble all of these things didn't matter, we pulled together.

I entitled this post freedom, because I realized how much freedom I have in my life. We found out that the mom who passed away was about to buy the stroller, crib and pack and play for her daughter and due to her passing my friend didn't have these things for her daughter. We were able to pull together enough money to buy them a pack and play and a nice stroller. I am so grateful that we were able to do that. Ryan and I may not make that much money, and of course we would like to make a little more, but we have always been able to help when we see a friend in need and that is financial freedom if you ask me. I consider myself very blessed in that way.

I also realized yesterday how much I have changed from the girl I was in college. I carried around so many insecurities, scares, and pain. I was dealing with the death of Heather, a very dysfunctional relationship, and the normal "trying to find myself" stuff. Since then I have "found" myself, I have overcame the scares that Heather's death left and have forgiven myself and the boy I dated for the pain we put each other through for 3 1/2 long years. This was not an overnight process, it took a great deal of time, prayer, and a great therapist. I am not ashamed to admit that after everything started to fall apart I sought help from a professional. He helped me work through the anger I felt at Heather for dying and abandoning me, the pain of a relationship gone wrong, and the issues I had (like we all do) for things in my childhood.

I couldn't help but reflect as I drove home yesterday on my life now, I would have never imagined being married to a man like Ryan, having a relationship where we both respect each other. I would have never imagined owning my own home, having a career and preparing to give birth to a baby boy. I was trapped by the lies and doubt, but now I do have freedom, and for that I thank God (and an amazing therapist named David- lol),

Baby Blake

WOW! I am a terrible blogger, maybe once baby D gets here I will have more motivation to blog his process. I am now an auntie again!!! I am so excited!!!!!!! Baby Paul "Blake" P was born last Sunday 11/13/11 around 7:50 pm. My sister Darci was 31 weeks pregnant to the day and he decided it was time for him to make his grand entrance! He was already 4 lbs 9 oz and 17 inches long! He was immediately placed in an incubator with an oxygen tube down his throat, monitors and a central line in his belly button. After a week he is already off his oxygen and his central line has been removed. We are so proud!!! Yesterday he had 7 cc's of breast milk!! He is progressing sooo phenomenally. My sister is the strongest person I have ever met and I am in awe of how she and her husband are handling this.

He likes to move it move it!

OMGoodness! I have been feeling lil man move so much! It is such an amazing feeling, I am still having a hard time believing that there is really a lil baby in there and that he is mine, well ours.

I am feeling very confident in our ability to be parents, but I would be a liar if I did not admit how scarey it is. The world is frightening place out there and the thought of bringing an innocent baby into it is well... terrifying.

However, I must remind myself that behind the darkness God is in control and He holds this baby's future in His hands so I don't need to worry.

Baby D update

I know I have not updated much, call me crazy, but I didn't want to be one f those crazy pregnant people who thinks everyone cares about her pregnancy! :). However I have gotten myself "in trouble" for not updating more so I promise to do a better job! I am around 18 weeks and little baby is measuring a couple days ahead. Who knows maybe we'll have a long baby! I am a little scared of having a big baby, but since neither Ryan or I were big te possibilty of that is lower. Praise God!!

We went to our anatomy scan last week abd got confirmation that we are in fact having a boy!!!! We are sooo excited! In my opinion boys take more energy and girls take more cash- well we have an excess of energy, but not necessarily cash so God planned well! :)

I have stopped throwing up for the most part and am having much more energy. I am now entering the stage where I have to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so, so that is fun with first graders. But all in all I can't complain! I am just thankful to be keeping food and liquid down!

I have yet to gain any weight, so I am thrilled with that! But I guess when you start with extra you don't have to gain! Ha ha!!

So overall both baby D and momma are healthy and doing well!! Daddy is too- poor Ryan he gets left out a lot, but I don't think he minds!

Oh- an interesting note: I crave McDonalds chicken nuggets! Since week 6 it is the only thing I could consistently keep down!! I have therefore nicknamed him "mcnugget".

Calling All Mommas

Calling all Mommas!!!!

I am in need of some advice! Today my sister, my mom and my sister-in-law, and I all went to Babies R Us and looked at some baby stuff. Oh my gosh so exciting! But me being teacher and my hubby just starting a new job we are not exactly rolling in the dough, so I would like all the mommas out there what baby things did you buy that were a LIFESAVER and what things did you buy that you just flat out didn't use?

I know that I am investing in a good convertible crib and chest of drawers, a good car seat/stroller combo, pack and play and a good high chair and for there I need advice. Swing? Bouncer? Walker? Play Mat? Did you buy the fancy pack and play or the not-so-fancy one?

Thanks in advance for your advice, it is much appreciated!!!

Trails

"We pray for blessings, we pray for peace Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering...Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You’re near? What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?"
- Laura Story

My husband was a Marine and is now a student- he receives a monthly stipend to cover his bills and pay for his tuition and books. He has had a terrible time getting his benefits in a timely manner- surprise surprise when dealing with the government. NOT! Well this month instead of his $1500 he gets $300. SERIOUSLY VA?! They will "back-pay" us when they get a chance.

I LOVE when this happens...NOT! Luckily we have enough savings to get us through, but that $$$ was set aside to help with baby expenses. However we are thankful that we have the money there to cover the bills.

Ryan and I decided that we will make a contest out of it- who can spend less. I plan one weeks meals and buy for them. He does the next. Then whoever can spend the least on anything "extra"- cokes, energy drinks, fast food. I think the best thing to do is to make a fun time out of it!

He has applications into many different places and hopefully we will hear back from SOMEONE soon who wants to hire him! :)

I am sure that everything will work out- but while we are waiting for it to work out this will be a FAITH WALK! But I am thankful that we have what we need and we have people in our lives who love us and understand that we are not going out and spending money!!!

BIG NEWS

On June 3oth Ry and I found out we are going to become parents! We have gone through the exhausted the entirety of the human emotional range since finding out! We expected to have to "try" for a couple months before getting our positive, but NOPE- we got it on the first try!

We have both been thrilled, scared, excited, worried, terrified, overjoyed, you name it- we've felt it! But hey- I hear that's all normal!

So today I am 7 weeks and have had some wicked morning sickness- speaking of which- whoever named it morning sickness CLEARLY did not have it because it should have been named all-times-of-day-and-night sickness. My mother-in-law was TERRIBLY sick with Ry and he came out with an immune system to end all immune systems so I am hoping that all this puking will result in a baby who does not have my crappy immune system!

We went to the dr at 5 weeks 6 days and saw the baby and it's little heartbeat. I was thrilled! The dr said that everything looked good and that put my mind at ease SO MUCH! We go back to HEAR the heartbeat near the end of Aug.

I have a feeling that it's a boy, don't ask me why, I just do. Everyone has called it a boy since we found out so I guess I'll just go with that for now.

I am so thrilled about this- nervous, oh who am I kidding, scared SILLY-but still thrilled!

Thank you everyone for all of your support!

Are you who you wanna be?

We all know the old Switchfoot song "This is Your Life" but today it was in my head as I read my devotional. I started Rick Warren's daily devotional today and he was talking about claiming God's promises for you. I know my long term goals, but I STRUGGLE in the daily work of achieving them. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am capable of doing what God has called me to do, however it's the on the path that I fall so often.

Just like a runner can not buy shoes one day and run a marathon the next; I cannot achieve my ultimate goal without first learning everything I need to know along the way. DANG! Guess that's why I'm such a pathetic runner! :) lol!

Rick Warren talked about first you must assess where you are currently. Not just spiritually, but emotionally, financially, physically, and occupationally. If you want to get somewhere you have to know where you are starting. Then you make a goal for where you want to be. Sounds easy huh?

I know my goals and I am committing to work on them not just daily but minute by minute. It is an uphill battle, but I have learned that even though the learning sometimes hurts, and more often than not I end up flat on my face; I have always had people there to pick me up, help my wounded pride, and walk with me.

I have learned to laugh, enjoy the moment, and be thankful for whatever comes my way. I know that the journey can be hard, but I know it is sooooo worth it.

Not only the journey to my career goals, but my physical goals, my emotional goal, my financial goals, and my goals with my family. :)

SUMMER!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."


SUMMER IS HERE!!! YAY! YAY! YAY!

Wednesday we had our end of year party, Thursday we made scrapbooks of our year, and I sent them home for the last time, Friday we said goodbye to some dear staff members who are leaving us and then we left for the summer.

Kinda.

I have a training on Monday, but hey, at least there is no kids! :)

As I plan out my summer I realize something- if I don't make a conscious effort I have a feeling I might waste my whole summer.

I know this about myself. I do best when I have 15 THOUSAND things on my plate, when I have ample time, I procrastinate and never get anything done. So as a wise woman,a woman on a mission with a passion and a vision, oh heck who am I kidding, as a girl scared to death of not doing ANYTHING all summer- I printed out DAILY PLAN SHEETS!

I am committing to post it DAILY on the refrigerator so that Ryan can see exactly what I am SUPPOSE to be doing and give me a gentle nudge- or a kick in the butt- to GET IN GEAR!

So today I woke up at 7:30, got everything ready for my open house, realized I had not had a quite time yet, took a shower, turned on the coffee pot, sat down to listen to God, I am now reflecting, and will soon, make the coffee, get dressed and out the door for Nicole's open house, come home, cook lunch, get Blake a FABULOUS 2nd birthday present, nap (hopefully), make some calls, head to Ben and Kat's for Blake's birthday party, come home and CRASH!

I am not wasting this season in my life, I intend to make the most of it. With lots of prayer, as much self-discipline as I can muster, as many people in my life as I can cram into it to help hold me accountable, and a HUGE dose of faith, just watch me SHINE!!

This is going to be a great summer!

Bittersweet

Today feels like a closing of a book somewhat. I am having my class end of year party (even though we have another 1/2 day tomorrow) and I've had these kiddios for 2 years, kinder and first. I can not believe I have to give them back to their parents and hope that they don't screw them up! LOL!

Every year I look back and decide well I did the best I could, and this year is no different. I did the best I could with these kids, and I think I got them well prepared for second grade.

But I feel a shift in me. I feel myself being pulled away from the classroom. Away from the politics I can no longer sit by and watch, away from the parents who don't care about their kids (not all parents in my class are like that, I have A LOT of amazing parents, but I always have some) and away from the broken education system that leaves the kids who need the most help without. I am so excited about the new path I am pursuing, but I know I am not ready to leave the classroom yet, emotionally or financially, LOL!

But here's to the future and the path God has laid out for me

Whirl Wind

I have never been a "glass-half-full" kind of gal. I am not easily prone to look on the bright side of things. In fact, I have been know to get in a funk, pout, and basically throw my self an adult sized pity party when life doesn't go my way.

I have recently begun a journey to tame my negative tongue. It was not one I began willingly. I fought tooth and nail against it in fact.

It all started a couple months ago when I decided I could not teach forever, the politics of the education system are so broken that it tears me apart to see the kids who need the most go without every day. It was never my dream to be a teacher, quite simply, it is not my calling.

I knew I was called and uniquely gifted to work with women. My heart is there, my passion. I have never know how exactly, God never showed me the path, just the end-game.

Only recently has God brought to light the path and has silly as it sounded to ME, it's through Mary Kay. I was shocked, and a little taken aback. But who am I to question God. I have found it never works out well for me. So after much debate, oh I'll quite sugar coating it, after much pouting on my part (this was not the path I thought I would take) I decided to bite the bullet and do it right!

I knew to work with women the way I wanted to I was not going to a consultant, but a director. That is where I would get to work with the most women, in the fashion I desired to. So I called my director and we talked about how to do it. That is when she started talking like a mad woman.She told me I needed to say affirmations EVERY DAY.

Affirmations? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I am not the type of woman to look in the mirror and say "I choose to be.... blah blah blah".

I decided that she was coo-coo and I was NOT doing it.

However, God, in that subtle little way He often does to me, KNOCKED ME DOWN! I thought I had this thing all figured out, and BAM! Down I go!

When I stopped to look at why- GLARINGLY OBVIOUS- I woke up with Proverbs 18:21 in my head- "The tongue has the power of life and death" DANG! I hate it when I am wron... wron... not right. :) I had been speaking NEGATIVE over things, I had been so busy being a "realist" that I missed the opportunity to speak LIFE into my LIFE!!!!!

So Julia Mundy, YOU WERE RIGHT. I guess those affirmations are helpful. So starting today I CHOOSE TO SPEAK LIFE INTO MY LIFE, MY FAMILIES LIFE, MY FRIENDS AND MY MARY KAY BUSINESS.

And that's just one of my affirmations

Teacher = Mom

I kinda feel like death today. Well maybe death warmed over. But I am so excited to take my kids to the zoo today! Because I teach in a "challenging" population I realized yesterday that over 1/2 my class has NEVER BEEN TO THE ZOO! We live like 10 miles from it and they have never been. Their little eyes lit up when they realized we were going! I would soooo love to call in a sub, crawl in bed, pull up the covers and sleep off this death virus, however, because I am these kiddios "school mom" as they call me, I am up, making hot tea and getting ready to go on a FIELD TRIP!

Biggest Lie of All

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32 (NIV)

Ever notice in Genesis Satan goes after Eve first? Ever notice that one of his first steps in tempting her to eat the apple is to lie to her; tell her God is lying, nothing bad will happen, He is just being selfish. How convincing does this sound!!

Satan tends to lie to each of us in the specific area we are weak. He is after all the enemy who comes to steal, kill and destroy.

In my short life I have come to realize satan tends to attack women in a very specific way. He whispers lies to us. No one will ever love you, your too fat, too thin, too dumb, too... fill in the blank here. He whispers these lies sometimes in the stillness of our mind, sometimes using human voices or actions.

But do not be confused when human voices tell you you are too much, or not enough that is satan playing his games. That is the master manipulator trying to pull you away from knowing you are precious, loved, and cherished by the King of Kings! DO NOT LET HIM LIE TO YOU!!!

Counter those lies with scripture knowing that you are exactly who you were designed to be!

On the heals of Bin Laden's death I am reminded that our battle is not against flesh and blood but the powers of darkness. That while one evil, horrible man has been brought down that by no means makes the world a better place. One day it will be, one day Jesus will crush satan and then we can rejoice!!!

Ah-mazed!

"The Lord is righteous in all His ways and faithful in all He does" Psalm 145:17

So I blogged earlier about stepping out in faith. Part of the beauty, and the most challenging part, is for something to really be faith you don't know the outcome. You know that God is going to take care of it, but you know that His plan may not be yours.

That being said sometimes God shows up BIG! And this time He did that for ME! I am incredibly humbled that God used me to show His might! My husband and I made a decision to invest in my company believing that God would provide. This investment meant emptying our savings. SCARY TO THE MAX! However we both had a peace about it.

The next day Ryan was doing the next month's budget and realized somehow our bills were WAY less than normal, our $$ was miraculously s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g. Then later that day we had a "back payment" of more than $400!!!! WHAT?! We ended up not taking ANY money out of savings to invest. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!

God showed up... He showed His sovereignty, His power and His GRACE! He didn't have to supply this need and I would still have been grateful for the opportunity.

No matter what always know that God will look out for His children, He is the great provider!

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". Hebrews 11:1KJV
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)
I have always thought I had great faith.

After high school I moved away from my family for college, I was the first one to do that. I moved to a small east Texas college where I knew nobody. Big step of faith right? Nope. I was running, running from who I was in high school. I thought a new start would give me the ability to change who I was, to no longer be loud, annoying, too much.

After college I got an apartment in a town 5 hours away from my family. I had no job but now had bills, surely this was faith. Wrong again! I was chasing a boy. I thought for sure that if we lived closer together we could work out our issues and get our happily ever after.

I see now my reasons for doing things were not God's. He put me at ETBU to meet some amazing women and help me grow and develop. He let me move to Arlington to meet Ryan so I could have my happily ever after- well at least as "fairy tale" as real life can be. :)

But I guess I have never REALLY had to step out in faith, until last night. I had to make a big sacrifice to wrap up my pre-qualifications for DIQ. I had to really search and see if I had the faith it would take to do this. If I trusted that if I "call to God that he will answer and grant me great and unsearchable things." Hmmmm... I could use a big heaping dose of great and unsearchable things right now.

We go through our lives saying we have faith but when the rubber meets the road, when it's do or die time it's not an easy task. But I am jumping in; knowing that my Abba Father placed a dream in my heart and He desires to see it come true. I have some growth to do before He places me in a leadership role, I have a lot of learning and molding to do. So I know this journey is about developing me, my faith and most importantly my relationship with Him.

I challenge you today to think about faith- our assurance of things hoped for. What do you hope for? Are you willing to step out in faith TODAY to chase after it believing that God is for you! He is dear one, He desires to give you the cries of heart! You are chosen, you are loved by the King of Kings, you are protected by the mighty fortress! The God who can hold the sun still holds you. Have faith in that!

The Waiting Game

“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

This was one of my verses today from my devotion. Wait. Ever notice how God commands us to do things and we take them more as a suggestion. For example my first instinct with the verse is to say "yeah but..." and then give a list of reasons why it could not possible be a command for ME! I am such a Casey-centered person. But I have learned that when I get over myself and say "ok Lord, show me Your plan" that that is where the blessings are. Not when I pray and pray and pray for something, but take no action to make it happen, follow no commands and have no faith. When I put myself aside, follow His commands, trust His timing and do the work He has laid out before me, I find myself in a season on harvest.

Waiting is a hard command. It is not something I do well. Those who know me best know I go 100 mph with no breaks pretty much 24/7. It's what I do. I know no slow, no stop, no wait. However here it is, that silly little word again...wait. Geeze!

I have recently learned a lesson in waiting I would like to share. When I decided to start my MK business I made a list of girls who I thought would be on my team. Then I made of list of people who loved me enough to hold a "dumb party" for me. One of my best friends was on the party list, not the team list. She agreed to hold a party for me, and also agreed that is was just a "dumb party". But God did something amazing, He drew her toward MK. She signed and decided to jump in. She worked hard, and she had a BIG need, God blessed her and she became a sales director 2 months ago. Yay for her.... not. Well at least that was my heart then.

Don't get me wrong, I love her like one of my sisters, and I am so happy for her; but deep in my heart I cried "Why not me Lord? Why not me?" But God said "Wait." SERIOUSLY?! That was my initial reaction but now I realize God was developing my character, my will, my faith before he put me on my path. I praise God that I am on my path to becoming a director, but I praise God that more importantly it is on HIS time.

I am now more equipped, more determined, and have more integrity to point others to Christ during this time.

So dear friend I don't know what you are praying for, what the secret desire of your heart is, but know God desires to give you the deepest desire of your heart but he may be saying "Wait" no matter how hard know that His timing is perfect.

cry of my heart

When I was a senior in high school everyone asked the DREADED question... "What do you wanna be when you 'grow up'?" I knew it then! I knew I wanted to be a motivational speaker. I wanted to be the next Beth Moore. But as college happened and I pursued that dream I got bogged down in the "that's not practical" and "well what are you gonna do till then?" I also had a very broken relationship. I don't blame him, we were both like two run away trains on a collision course, but inevitably we were drawn to each other and it was tough to break, but we did. That also took me further and further from my dream. I decided I needed to take a more reasonable path and as I did I met my AMAZING hubby.

But now my soul longs for more. I know I am created for more. I am here declaring that I will be chasing after my dream. I know that it will be tough, but I know it's God's calling for me.

I am found an amazing vehicle to pursue my dream through Mary Kay and I know I am destined for being an amazing motivator. I know I can draw people to Christ, and move them to more. Not me, but Christ through me.

Welcome

I have always wanted to be writer. I have tried many times to start a "topic" blog and failed so now I am just writing. Mostly for me. To remember, to reflect, to learn, but you are more than welcome to come on the journey with me.

Today in my devo I was reading about God making the sun stand still for Joshua and the writer challenged me by asking if I really surrender the order of my day to God or do I just worry about getting through my checklist. WOW! Powerful thought for me. I am always complaining that I need more time in my day when maybe what I need is less me in my day and more God. Now let me be clear I by no means think that what I "have" to get done is so important that God is going to freeze the sun in the sky like He did for Joshua, but maybe if I allow God to prioritize for me I will get the important things done before the insignificant. Sometimes I fail to realize the importance of a task. For example yesterday was my 3 year anniversary, and I had some errands to run before going home to my hubby. Like any wife I wanted to get home and see my man, especially yesterday! I had a strong feeling however that I should text a girlfriend and check in though. So I did, she wanted to go tanning, I was going to do this anyway, but picking her up, driving back to the tanning bed and dropping her off would add an extra 20 minutes to my day. Dang! But I truly love her so I did it, I really felt I needed to. After I picked her up she started telling me about her day and a battle she is going through and I realized maybe God had me spend time with her to not only lift her up but also to make me realize even more on that day how lucky I am to be married to a man like Ryan, who treats me with love, respect, and patience. I also decided that maybe we should stop in a little boutique next to the tanning bed and lucky for me I made a contact to do a Mary Kay event there! YAY!

Sometimes the task I think can be put off are the most important. God help me to seek your timing today. Put your prioritization in place, not mine. Bless my efforts, use me. Amen